water_tiger

Why does it have to be so hard to be in a relationship? I love my boyfriend VERY much but sometimes its so hard to keep it so happy. I thought that i was pregnant, and everything went down hill from then. i stopped wanted to have sex with him. it was like i didn't want to be with him anymore, i just wanted to be away from him. He didn't do anything wrong it was all in my head. I couldnt kiss him, i didn't want to do anything sexual with him. i was so scared that i was pregnant. I got angry at him for no reason, even if he didn't do anything wrong i would be mad at him. He took me to see my father lastweekend and i couldn't stop being angrey at him for nothing. But now im so anery at myself. i want to tell him that im sorry for everythin....

IM 19!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111

WOOT WOOT!

isnt it funn y that if u are seeing someone and that person gets upset or depressed, then u instantley feel the same way.....


nothin really new to report...
hung out with drew norm and juila tonite, played pool. kicked drews ass. then saw a movie, then joe came.

first month with joe today...

this week has been really fun,

i went to meaford for the weekend because my roomate has a cottage up there so me jess kat and bryan. so yeah, we were sposed to have me andrew, carl, jess, kat, and bryan. but drew and carl couldnt come because they had to work :( drew im not so upset about but carl was the one person i REALLY wanted to come.
most of the time we just played pool and watched tv, talked and went into a hot tub. it also would have been nice to have joe there, but he was busy so i didnt ask him. he would have been bored anyways.
me and jess watched sex in the city last nite, and i saw porkys for the first time. we cooked our own food, and i got to sleep in on saturday.

hanging with joe now ^_^ hehe

well i have had a very intresting few weeks in my "love life" suga...

- my relationship ended with chris
- i started to fall for someone in my cooking class who ended up to be a player
- i have now fallin for his best friend...
- and i recently found out that his has fallen for me too...

so that was basicly it in a nut shell.

intresting eh? not really but it has been hetic.
want to no how it ends?

- im still friends with chris
- andrew is still a player, and fooling around with a few girls in my rez...including me once and a while...
- i still like joe and im thinking about going out with him.. he is alot of fun...
- joe still likes me and REALLY wants to go out with me....and has spent the nite here a couple of times...

well here i am, im in georgian college right now and i am having a really good time.

I left my house with 3 bags of lugege. we left at 3 to be here for 4 to regester. when i got my dorm key my room mate had not arived yet. my grandmother and i unpacked my stuff and put away my food. then i left with them to go scope to the surrounding areas. when i came back at 5:15 i said my goodbyes to robert in the car and gran followed me inside, where we said our goodbyes. when i went back up to my dorm my room mate and her family were there. After we had both setlded in we starting talking to get to no one another. My room mates name is laura. we had to go to the pub for a "special" dinner put on by hazel (there one running this thing). all it was, was hambugers and hotdogs, and we all sat around eachother to get to no everyone. i met Jess who is in 2 rooms next to me. then after that we wnt back to our dorm and tryed to set up lauras internet...but i didnt bring my computer!!...(im so bringing it next week.) but we couldnt do it..and we still cant...i wish george was here to help... :P. we started our class yesterday and i met someone that is in my classes in september, witch is nice. she is also 2 doors down from me and we have been hanging out alot since we met...tonites movie nite and i have to back to class now. cya

i dont want to leave again. i moved so many time as a kid and im finally feeling like im setteled in but now i have to leave again. im so scared, people have no idea what its like for me to move. i have to go to a place where i dont no anyone and i such a shy person around new people. i dont no what to do. i feel like when i come home people are going to forget about me. i say hi to them and they wont even no me. i no that i will nake frinds up there but what about my frinds here? i wont be able to see them.

i feel so alone already and i havent even left. what if i cant do college. what if my grades are to low and i cant pick them up? what if i get ckicked out? AHHH!!!! I HATE THIS!!. i dont want to leave but at the same time i do.

i feellike i want to die. i hate being sick and i hate not being able to work...thanks to chris i have a virel infection in my thourt. thanks to him i cant work for a week, and that means that i loose money! AH!!!! im sitting on my but when i could be working. i cant eat i cant sleep and im sick...god i hate this.

my head hurts so much, and if my head doesnt hurt then my neck hurts and if my neck doesnt hurt im coughing like crazy

Here i sit, 3:00 in the morning in my basement on roberts computer.
Thoughts rushing through my mind like water coming out of a tap.

Am i really ready for college? Can i really be what i want to be? can i be what my grandparents want me to be?

Chris made it very clear to me that i dont stand up for myself. Especialy to my grandparents. In his mind im under there thumb and there squishing me until there is nothing left. witch is kinda true. I do what im told when i am told it. i dont do anything bad. the most "rebel" thing i have ever done was smoke weed, besides that im basicly a "prep". A prep that is leaveing in 24 days to go to a college that she scared of going to.

What if i cant make friends? what if i am an outcast that doesnt fit in anywhere? what if people dont like me? what if i cant keep my grades up and i get kicked out? what if my marks are low and my grandparents are disapointed in me?

I am so scared and people dont no what its like for me... to have to move away from the only one who care..

I think one of the reasons that i do what my grandparents say all the time is because im afraid that they are going to leave me and not want me anymore. i feel like they are all i have left and i cant be without them...i dont want to be alone again. i dont want to be left without a family...when i lost my parents i felt that my whole world had crashed, nothing mattered. i was scared to get attached to anyone for to long in fear that my will leave me again. I think thats why i cant be in a realtionship with someone for to long. i feel like if i get to attached then they will leave or do something worse....

i dont really no what im saying right now. im kinda really tired but still awake, and i have another head ake, 4th one today.

i have lost 7 pounds in 4 days...is that good or bad?